


Don't Get Sad, Get Steven

by gracie137



Series: Revenge Is Best Served Horny [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Extreme stupidity, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Human Disaster Bucky Barnes, Humor, Idiots Trying Their Best, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of FWB Bucky/Natasha, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Other non Steve/Bucky relationships prior to Steve/Bucky relationship, Pining, Pining Bucky Barnes, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Romance, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Slow Burn, Steve/Peggy - Freeform, Temporarily Unrequited Love, UST
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-09-29 07:15:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17198996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracie137/pseuds/gracie137
Summary: “The love of your life, was he?”“Yep.” Bucky drags the bin over for Sam to puke in. It’s about time Sam christened it. “He’s called Steve, and we’re going to date and get married and have two kids and a dog.”“Beautiful,” Sam remarks dryly before heaving into the bin.





	1. Love At First Drunken Sight

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this fic exists because me and my amazing alpha/beta/human Synonym4life were like “wow, we’d love to read moments of [Karma's A Fake Orgasm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16792585/chapters/39412099) from Bucky’s POV” however because it’s me the original intention of just a few oneshots set during KAFO to flesh out Bucky’s side of the story flew out the window and so I decided to that Bucky’s POV was actually going to start back at the begining of Steve and Bucky’s friendship. What this means is this fic spans Bucky and Steve’s two and a half year friendship so there will be mentions of them with other people as anyone who is reading KAFO knows it takes them a while to figure their shit out. This fic begins as a the prequel to KAFO but in later chapters the plot will begin to overlap, but with moments unseen in KAFO. So to start with at least this fic can act as a standalone but will enhance / be enhanced by the reading of the rest of the series as it builds on their relationships with all the characters we see.
> 
> TL;DR this is a fic containing glimpses of Steve and Bucky’s friendship and later relationship and while a partner to KAFO can in the main stand alone.
> 
> It’s meant to be fun and I think it is fun so enjoy !!!

"Bucket you made it!"

Bucky grins, already feeling relaxed enough from their pre-games that he doesn’t mind Stark’s nickname. Besides, he’s starting to realize it’s not Stark being an asshole, it’s actually his way of showing affection.

“What’s up, Stank?” Bucky claps Stark on the back. “Thanks for inviting us.”

“And thank you for being the first competent lab partner I’ve had. Also this isn’t actually my party so I don’t care who’s here.”

Bucky laughs, completely unsurprised. “Yeah, didn’t think you were a member of Delta Psi.”

“Can’t say the frat life is for me.” Stark pulls a face. “But Rhodey who…” He glances around before shrugging, “is around here somewhere is a member, so if anyone asks, he invited you.”

“Okay, dude.” Bucky laughs again, beckoning Natasha and Sam forward to meet Stark. Sam’s his usual friendly self though slightly awed because Stark is Tony Stark, son of Howard Stark and heir to Stark Industries and the fortune that comes with it. Natasha is… Natasha, which means that Stark walks away looking both terrified and aroused.

“Getting it out there now—” Sam passes them both red cups full of sickly sweet smelling liquid “—If you two are planning to fuck tonight you’re fucking in Nat’s room.”

“No way.” Bucky takes a swig of his drink. “You don’t know fear till you’ve had Okoye yell at you when you’re balls deep.”

Natasha elbows him. “Do you have to be so vulgar?” Bucky offers her a crooked grin in apology. She rolls her eyes. “I’m totally not fucking you after that comment.”

“Probably fair enough.”

Natasha and Bucky have been hooking up on and off since the second night of term. The agreement works nicely for both of them and has actually helped them become really close friends. Bucky’s just gotten to college, the world’s his oyster, and he’s not interested in a relationship.

“Glad to know you’re finally developing some taste,” Sam says, giving Natasha a proud smile.

“We all make mistakes.”

Bucky sticks his middle finger up at them. “I’m going to go speak to some people who are actually nice to me.”

“We’re like the only people here that you know,” Sam says.

Bucky glances around the buzzing party and shrugs. “I’ll go meet some people then.” He gives Sam and Natasha a two-fingered salute before sauntering into the crowd, getting sucked onto the dance floor by the lure of the music.

Bucky loves dancing, the way he doesn’t have to think about his body as it just moves to the beat. He likes dancing with someone else, the hot press of their body as they grind together. He knows he’s a good dancer too; people always end up watching him.

Natasha joins him a bit later, and she’s Bucky’s favorite dance partner. They both know how to put on a show for everyone watching.

By the time Bucky stumbles off the dance floor, there’s already a hoard of people ready to take his place with Natasha. He manages to find the kitchen and get himself another drink, but he’s not too drunk. Drunk enough that he’s loose and happy but still coherent. The perfect level, if he does say so himself.

There’s only a few people in the kitchen: a couple pressed up against the fridge making out and a small blond guy whose focus is on his phone. Bucky’s about to leave again and find someone more sociable when the small blond glances up and Bucky’s struck by the realization that the guy is cute. Big blue eyes, chunky glasses, and a-bottom-lip-Bucky-wants-to-suck-on, cute. And he has freckles! Bucky’s a goner.

“Havin’ fun?” Bucky asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Me?”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure they’re having a bit too much—” Bucky nods towards the couple now nearly dry humping “—and I’m not drunk enough to be talking to myself, so yeah, you.”

The guy flushes, which is not helping his adorableness levels — Bucky can’t believe he just thought that. _Adorableness._

“Yeah, I am having fun.”

“Looks like it.” Bucky gestures to the guy’s phone.

“No, I am!” He laughs. “I just don’t really know anyone, and my friend’s kinda ditched me.”

“Sounds like a shitty friend.”

“He’s not,” the guy says firmly before pulling a face. He’s got the longest eyelashes Bucky’s ever seen, longer than Natasha’s even. “He just gets a bit caught up in the moment. While I know like no one, he kinda knows everyone.”

“What’s your friend’s name?”

“Tony.”

“Stark?”

“See, told you he knows everyone.”

“Nah, he’s my lab partner! He invited me tonight.”

“He invited you to Rhodey’s party?”

Bucky offers his most charming of smiles. “He’s a generous guy.”

The guy snorts. “That’s one way to put it.”

“So how do you know Stark?”

“Roommate.”

“Double the dick move that he left you then,” Bucky says. “But no need to worry, you’ve got me now.” He pulls out a chair and sits down opposite the guy, who raises his eyebrows, looking like he’s struggling not to smile.

“You trying to be my knight in shining armor?” Bucky is _pretty_ sure this guy is flirting with him.

“If you want me to be.”

He laughs. “I don’t even know your name.”

“Then ask it.”

“Okay, what’s your name?”

“Bucky Barnes.”

“Nice to meet you, Bucky. I’m Steve.” Steve gets bonus points for not laughing at Bucky’s name — out loud anyway. “And you should know you’re the first lab partner Tony’s liked.”

“That’s because I’m amazing.”

Steve laughs. “See Tony says it’s because you actually have at least one brain cell.”

“Which, if I’m starting to understand Stark, and I think I am, means I’m pretty amazing.” Bucky’s never been stupid — he got top marks at school and he’s doing well at Marvel too — but everyone is pretty stupid compared to Stark.

Steve bites his lip, which is just unfair because Bucky can’t stop staring at it. It’s so full and pouty, and Bucky wants to do unspeakable things to it. “You’re pretty humble, aren’t you?”

“Just honest.” Bucky grins, winking at Steve.

Steve laughs, revealing a dimple in his left cheek. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you having fun?”

“Good music, good booze, and good people. What’s not to like?”

Steve pulls a face. “Okay, first of all neither the music nor the alcohol is good.”

“What’s wrong with the music?” Bucky pauses, trying to catch the song before grinning when he realizes what’s playing. “Aww, come on! This song is a tune!”

“This song wouldn’t know a tune if it bit it on the ass.”

“This song is the definition of a tune.” Steve sighs, rolling his eyes, small smile still playing at his mouth. “Let me guess, you’re one of those indie types.”

“I am not one of those indie types!”

“You’re wearing flannel, sitting in the corner of a party, and criticizing the music.” Bucky checks each thing off his fingers and grins. “Totally the pretentious indie type. Let me guess, you do philosophy?”

“Thinking of doing it as my minor,” Steve admits begrudgingly.

Bucky laughs. “See.” He really likes Steve’s wry smile. “Also, for your information any alcohol that can get you drunk is good alcohol so this—” he shakes his cup “—is amazing alcohol.”

“It tastes like liquid candy.”

“Yeah, well.” Bucky leans in closer to Steve, licking his lips. “I happen to like sweet things.”

“Better be careful of your teeth.”

Bucky pauses, thrown off his game for a moment because he’s pretty sure Steve’s interested in him, but that is not the usual response to Bucky’s flirting.

Steve cringes as if he’s caught onto Bucky’s confusion. “You know, ‘cause sweets are corrosive… so if you’re not careful you’ll need to go to the dentist…”

“I’m always careful,” Bucky promises to stop Steve babbling. He quite likes Steve’s babbling though.

“Now we both know that’s a lie.”

Bucky closes his eyes and slumps in his chair at the sound of Natasha’s voice. He is never sleeping with her again. In fact he’s never speaking to her again.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I need your help.”

Bucky opens his eyes _only_ because Natasha does sound genuinely apologetic, which is rare.

“What’s up?” Bucky asks.

Natasha sighs. She’s as gorgeous as ever even with her red lipstick slightly smudged around her mouth. She clearly found a new dance partner. “Sam’s outside puking his guts out, and we need to get him home.”

Bucky groans, dragging himself to his feet and pushing the remains of his drink toward Steve. Steve eyes it warily. “You may as well enjoy it seeing as I’ve got to go get my dumbass roommate.”

“I think you owe him after all the times he’s picked you up off the floor,” Natasha says. She's not helping him make a _good_ impression.

“I only know moderation, thank you very much,” Bucky says primly. Natasha rolls her eyes, and Steve laughs. “Anyway, it was very nice to meet you, Steve.”

Steve grins up at him. “It was very nice to meet you too, Bucky.”

Bucky wonders if it’s appropriate to lean down and kiss Steve now. It could be romantic in a way a hero kisses someone before they dash off to save the day… if saving the day is ensuring Sam doesn’t die in his own puke. Personally Bucky thinks Sam deserves it for dragging him away from Steve, but if Sam dies he could end up with a much worse roommate. So saving Sam is the lesser of two evils.

“Barnes,” Natasha prompts him.

Bucky sighs. “Yeah, yeah I’m coming.” He follows Natasha, pausing at the door and glancing back at Steve who is already back on his phone. “Message me on Facebook if you’re ever interested in hearing the long list of reasons of why you’re wrong about pop music.” It’s not like there are many Bucky Barneses on there.

Steve glances up, same warm smile on his face. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Bucky gives him one final grin before jogging after Natasha. After the amount of times Sam’s bailed his ass out of trouble it’s about time Bucky returns the favor. Also he’s never going to let Sam live this down. Ever.

“Hey, Nat,” Bucky says, as they tuck a whimpering Sam into bed. “Remember what Sam said last time I puked at a party?”

“Something about how you deserved to choke on it.”

“Yes.” Bucky places a bottle of water by Sam’s side. “It was definitely something about how I deserved to choke on it.”

Sam glares up at him. “This is the first time I’ve puked. You puke loads.”

“One, that’s a lie, I have fantastic control over my alcohol. And two, I have never dragged you away from the love of your life.”

Natasha scoffs. “The love of your life, was he?”

“Yep.” Bucky drags the bin over for Sam to puke in. It’s about time Sam christened it. “He’s called Steve, and we’re going to date and get married and have two kids and a dog.”

“Beautiful,” Sam remarks dryly before heaving into the bin.

“Yeah, except now it’s never going to happen because _you_ threw up.”

“Sorry.” Sam doesn’t sound sorry at all.

“You should be.” Bucky starts wriggling out of his jeans to get into bed. “I could be fucking my soulmate, but nope, I’m here with you.”

Natasha laughs. “Well, I’m going to go to bed and leave you two sorry sacks of shit to mope. Good night, boys.”

Bucky throws his shirt at Natasha; she catches it and throws it back — it hits him in the face. “Night, Nat.”

Sam grunts something that might be _good night_ but also could be _food fight_. Bucky brushes his teeth and climbs into bed, pulling his sheets up around him. He thinks of Steve with his bright eyes, warm smile and quick wit. He had been trying to pick up Steve, but he’d also just been enjoying talking to him, which doesn’t happen very often.

“Do you think Steve’ll message?” he asks out loud.

Sam snores in response.

Bucky rolls his eyes and sighs. “Yeah, buddy. I hope so too.”

* * *

“I feel like death,” Sam whines.

“You look like it too,” Bucky says cheerfully. “Maybe you shouldn’t have drunk so much.”

“I hate you.” Sam steals the last bite of Bucky’s muffin, and Bucky lets him get away with it only because Sam really does look like shit. It’s not often Sam’s visibly affected by a night out, but this one’s hit him hard. “I really hate you.”

Bucky grins. “No, you hate yourself.” Mocking Sam is providing Bucky with sweet relief from the fact Steve hasn’t messaged him. He knows it hasn’t been twenty-four hours yet, and they hadn’t even spoken for that long… but still… Bucky’d hoped he’d message.

“I do,” Sam sighs. “I really do.”

Bucky leans back in his chair, tilting his face up to catch the early spring sun filtering through the window. They’ve managed to get the best table in Starbucks, right in the corner next to the window and with access to the plugs. Not that Bucky’s being particularly productive on his research paper, but he’s certainly enjoying watching Sloth videos, and Sam regret his life choices. He doesn’t get to see Sam regretting decisions very much, so he’s going to treasure this for a while.

With a glance at the empty dregs of his coffee cup, Bucky sighs. He shouldn’t buy himself another coffee only to sit there and continue being unproductive. Fuck it, he decides, he’s buying himself another one. He deserves it.

“Want anything?”

“A new lease on life?”

At that Bucky rolls his eyes. “I’ll take that as another coffee?” Honestly, Sam sounds like he’s been taking lessons on dramatics straight out of Bucky’s book… not that Bucky _ever_ overreacts of course.

“Please.”

For a Thursday afternoon the queue in Starbucks isn’t too busy so Bucky joins the line happily. He’s just sent Natasha a delightful picture of his chin when the barista calls out _Steve,_ and Bucky’s head jerks up involuntarily. Even though it’s unlikely that _his_ Steve is in the same Starbucks as him the day after they’d met because the universe just doesn’t… Holy shit that is him!

Steve’s right there with two takeaway cups in his hands, wearing what looks like home-knit rainbow mittens and a ratty black winter coat even though it's not that cold out. He doesn’t even look too tired after last night.

“Steve!” Bucky finds himself calling because apparently this guy shoots Bucky’s sauve to shit.

Steve freezes, eyes darting around the room like a rabbit caught in headlights. Bucky waves at him and Steve’s face relaxes, a wry smile appearing as he wanders over. “Hey, it’s Bucky, right? Tony’s lab partner.”

“That’s me.” Bucky grins. “Your short-lived savior last night.”

“Yeah, how is your friend?” Steve actually looks concerned.

Bucky points over at where Sam is passed out on the table. “He’s alive… for now.”

“You seem very concerned.”

“My concern disappeared somewhere around the point where he puked on my shoes.” Why did he just tell cute Steve that Sam puked on his shoes? _Why?!_ “How was your night in the end?”

“Alright. I managed to locate a friend of mine so I wasn’t completely alone.”

“Well, that’s good. Though I am sorry I had to ditch you.”

“It’s okay. You had to look after your friend.”

“Still, I was enjoying talking to you.”

Steve smiles. “Yeah. I believe you promised to educate me on pop music?”

“I did! Though the agreement was you had to message me for that.”

At that Steve flushes. “I was going to! I promise, I—”

“No worries,” Bucky cuts Steve off and Steve gives him a grateful look. “I am willing to forgive you and give you my number if you’re still interested in that lesson though.”

Steve laughs, but before he can answer a brunette appears at his side. She’s drop-dead gorgeous with glossy brown curls, bright eyes, and curves that make Bucky’s knees weak. If it were any other day he’d be offering her his number too, but he thinks he’s getting somewhere with Steve. Steve who has Queer Pride pins attached to the strap of his messenger bag.

“Is drinking coffee cold an American thing?” Her accent’s sharp; British, Bucky thinks.

Steve laughs again, but it's completely different compared to the laughs before. This one’s warm like a summer’s day, and Steve’s whole face is open as he looks at the girl. Bucky’s hopes crash and burn as he looks between the two of them. He’d never stood a chance. For all the interest Bucky’d believed Steve was showing, it had been nothing in comparison to the way he looks at her.

“No, sorry. I got distracted.” Steve nods his head toward Bucky. “This is Bucky, he knows Tony.”

“How terribly unfortunate.”

Steve shakes his head, still smiling. “Pegs! Be nice!”

“Sorry.” She smirks.

Bucky forces a grin. “Nah, I know what Stark’s like. He’s like Marmite.”

“Exactly.”

“I can’t exactly disagree with that.” Steve passes her her coffee. “Bucky, this is my girlfriend Peggy.”

Bucky’s final remaining hopes wither and die. Girlfriend.

“Nice to meet you, Peggy.” Bucky gives her a charming smile and tries to pretend he’s not licking his wounds. He’d been so sure Steve had been flirting with him or showing some kind of interest, but there’s no way he was. The evident friendliness of Steve’s interactions with Bucky are just highlighted by the way he lights up beside Peggy.

“You too, Bucky.” Peggy arches an eyebrow. “Interesting name.” Negative points for the name comment.

“It’s an old nickname.” Bucky shrugs.

“I like it,” Peggy says.

“Then I like you.” She and Steve both laugh. “Well, I should actually order my coffees.”

“Oh, sorry!” Steve says as if he’d been the one holding Bucky up.

“No worries! See you both around.” Bucky steps forward ready to forget the entire thing happened. He’s presuming Steve thinks he’s an idiot because there’s no way Steve didn’t catch on that Bucky was flirting with him. He must have just been polite. He can’t be _that_ oblivious.

“Wait!”

Bucky turns back to Steve, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”

“Aren’t you going to give me your number?”

By the skin of his teeth Bucky manages not to gape at Steve’s nerve of asking for Bucky’s number in front of Peggy. Maybe Steve really is that oblivious? Or Bucky’s flirting game is off… “You really that desperate for me to lecture you on the joys of pop music?”

Steve shrugs, leaning into Peggy’s side. He’s only an inch or so taller than her. “Nah, just desperate to prove you wrong.”

Bucky surprises himself by genuinely laughing. “Oh, you’re on!”

“Oh good,” Peggy drawls. “There’s two of you.”

Steve and Bucky grin at each other.

A couple of days later, Bucky’s sprawled out on his bed, physics book in front of him as he picks at a packet of Sour Patch Kids. Steve’s just sent him a Snapchat video of Tony building a pillow fort in their common room.

“Would you notice if I was flirting with you?”

Sam looks up, confused. “Excuse me?”

“If I was trying to flirt with you, would you notice?”

“Possibly. I mean your natural state is flirtatious, so while I thought you were flirting with me when we first met, I’d now just think you were being friendly.”

That makes Bucky drop his phone. “You thought I was flirting with you when we first met?”

“Yeah. I’m a handsome guy. It happens.”

Bucky snorts. “In your dreams, buddy.”

Sam grins. “Nightmares I think you’ll find. Anyway, is this about Steve again?”

“Yeah! I can’t figure out if he just didn’t realize I was flirting with him or just doesn’t care.” Bucky’s now painfully aware that what he thought was Steve being interested was actually Steve being friendly. He’d only needed to see Steve and Peggy together once to know that. The proud curve of his mouth when he’d said _girlfriend_.

“What’s he said?”

Bucky sighs and sends a Snapchat back to Steve of himself cross eyed. “Not much. I think he genuinely just wants to be my friend.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?” Sam asks.

It certainly isn’t what Bucky expected from introducing himself to Steve at that frat party. Bucky thinks of how good-looking Steve is, those long lashes and that plump bottom lip. And then he thinks of the way Steve makes him laugh, the clear intelligence in his laugh and the passion when he talks about things. Bucky’s only known Steve a few days but he’s already not willing to lose him.

“No,” Bucky admits. He’d quite like that actually.

“Exactly.”

He smiles at the picture Steve sends with his tongue out. He’d really like to be Steve’s friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely adore writing Bucky’s POV and I’m super buzzed to explore this AU more so I’ll probably be updating every other week as for now my main focus is finishing up KAFO, but these are shorter so I may update more!
> 
> If you did enjoy and want to leave kudos and comments then you’re the best thing since sliced bread <3
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@gracie137blogs](http://gracie137blogs.tumblr.com) if you want to talk about the fic or anything !!!
> 
> If you enjoyed please do promote the fic on tumblr by reblogging this [post](http://gracie137blogs.tumblr.com/post/182768971110/title-dont-get-sad-get-steven-rating-e)


	2. Pancake Forged Friendships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A misunderstanding leads to confessions over pancakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Taps Mic_ is this thing still on?
> 
> Hi, I'm so sorry everyone for the delay in this chapter!! Obviously I prioritised finishing the main story with Karma and then I got buried under a tonne of University deadlines so again this couldn't take priority!! However, I am back now, and while I do have a couple of other projects I'm working on and a few personal things, writing this chapter reminded me how much I love this Universe and so I'm back in my sandpit!!
> 
> Anyway, i hope you enjoy the chapter!!

After about a month of knowing Steve, Bucky’s starting to get the hang of things. Or he would be if he weren’t still nursing a crush on Steve. And nothing Bucky does seems to make that go away.

He doesn’t want to feel the way he does about Steve, that twist in his stomach every time Steve smiles at him, but it’s impossible to stifle his feelings.

Bucky’s never felt like this about anyone. He’s been fucking Natasha for about six months, and there’s still nothing that could be conceived as real feelings between the two of them, just an unshakeable friendship and an understanding that they’re good together. Sexually at least. They’d probably murder each other if they tried to make things romantic.

But Steve… Steve who is so in love with Peggy Carter that he lights up at the mere mention of her name. His adoration of her is tattooed across his face and the way he reacts when she’s around. And Peggy’s the same about Steve.

She’s a beautiful girl, and Bucky’s sure that to a lot of people she’s selling herself short, that she could do  _ better  _ than little Steve Rogers and his big mouth. However, Peggy Carter is aware of just how lucky she is to be with someone like Steve. And for that Bucky can’t hate her, can’t resent her, can’t wish that she’d walk away from Steve. Won’t let his own petty jealousy and stupid crush ruin a good thing.

So, Bucky tries to get over Steve while respecting their growing friendship. He hooks up with Natasha more than he should and, when that fails, drags all his friends to Wakanda, the main gay bar, where he finds himself a guy who looks absolutely nothing like Steve and takes him home, lets him rail him.

It works for the night and Bucky falls asleep, satisfied and Steve-thought free.

“Bucky!”

The horrified shout stirs Bucky and he groans, pressing his face into the firm muscle against him.

“What. The. Fuck.”

“Please tell me that’s not your boyfriend,” a deep voice grumbles, and Bucky becomes painfully aware of the fact that he’s not going to be allowed to sleep in.

“Don’t have a boyfriend,” Bucky mumbles, patting the thick chest he’s using as a pillow. That’s not going to do his neck any favors.

“But you do have a girlfriend!” Someone — is that Steve?! — says.

“What?” Three voices echo, Bucky’s being one of them. He finally sits up, wincing at the pain in his head, and promptly wishes he hadn’t bothered. Steve is standing in the centre of his room with his hands on his hips, practically vibrating with fury. Bucky can tell that Steve’s anger is directed at him. He just can’t figure out why. Sam’s standing behind Steve looking about as confused as Bucky feels, which is good. At least Bucky’s not the only one out of the loop.

“You know, I really thought you were better than this,” Steve continues.

“Yeah, dude,” M’Baku says. Bucky’s quite proud of himself for remembering his name, but then again with how good M’Baku had been in bed, Bucky can’t see him forgetting his name anytime soon. “That’s not cool.”

“I’m sorry?” Bucky asks.

“I didn’t sign up to fuck a dude with a girlfriend.”

“Good! Because, I. Don’t Have. A. Girlfriend.”

“What about Natasha?” Steve demands, looking like he’s about to explode.

“What about Natasha?!”

“How could you do this to her?”

“Do what?!” Bucky’s woken up in a lot of confusing situations since he started college, but this one is really too much. He feels like he’s missing an entire side of the conversation.

“Cheat on her!”

“Wait,” Sam says, holding his hands up. Steve and M’Baku stop glaring at Bucky to turn to Sam, and Bucky sags in relief.

“Steve, do you think Bucky’s dating Natasha?”

Bucky’s jaw drops because there’s no way… Steve couldn’t.

“Isn’t he?” Steve asks, glancing back at Bucky.

“No!” Bucky exclaims.

“Wait, so you are single?” M’Baku asks.

“Yes!”

“Oh, sorry then…” 

Bucky stares at M’Baku incredulously as he laughs, grinning at all three of them. Steve looks like he wants to sink into the floor, and Sam’s about a second away from losing it completely. Bucky glares at him because if Sam even thinks about laughing at Bucky’s misfortune then Bucky will kill him. "Well, this has been fun, but I think I’m gonna go...” M'Baku says.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Bucky says.

M’Baku laughs again. “Will one of you pass me my boxers?”

Steve’s entire face has gone red at this point, and Sam is snickering. Bucky thinks this may be the most uncomfortable conversation he’s ever had, and he has a bad feeling it’s only just getting started.

“No?” M’Baku says, shrugging. “Fine then, turn around.”

And with that he pulls Bucky’s cover around himself and climbs out of the bed leaving Bucky grasping for a pillow so his dick isn’t on show for his friends, and Sam and Steve do the fastest 180 turns known to mankind. This was not the way Bucky hoped to show Steve his dick.

M’Baku winks at Bucky when he’s dressed. “See you around, Bucky.”

“See you around,” Bucky echos weakly as M’Baku chuckles one final time before walking out of the room.

Silence falls until Sam decides to say, “Is that a condom on the floor?”

“Sam!”

“Sorry,” Sam snorts. “I think I’ll leave you both to talk. Clear some things up.”

And with that he leaves too, so it's just Steve and Bucky in the room with Bucky’s naked body, a discarded condom, and a shit ton of awkwardness. Brilliant.

“So,” Bucky starts before realizing he has no idea where to go now. “Can you chuck me some pants?”

Steve nods, shuffling over to where Bucky’s sweats are thrown haphazardly over his desk chair and tosses them over. He turns around while Bucky wriggles into them. Bucky takes the chance to throw the condom away while Steve’s not looking.

“Steve,” Bucky prompts. Steve turns to face Bucky slowly, his whole face red. Even the tips of his ears. It’s cute. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“God, Buck, I’m so sorry! You weren’t answering your phone and I left my textbook here the other day so Sam let me in and I wasn’t expecting you to be doing…  _ that _ —” All Bucky had been doing was sleeping, thank you very much “—and then I just saw red ‘cause I’d got it into my head that you were with Natasha, I mean you were sleeping with her—”

“Yeah, as friends. People do that you know.”

“I know.” Steve stops rambling to scowl defensively. Bucky hadn’t meant it as a dig at his experience. “My roommate is Tony remember. But you and Natasha just seemed… I don’t know, I guess I just got it completely wrong and now I look like a total idiot and I completely ruined your thing with that guy.”

“It’s cool,” Bucky says. “I don’t think me and M’Baku were meant for true love anyway.” Though Bucky wouldn’t have said no if M’Baku had wanted his number.

“Yeah! But I… I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“It’s cool, you were looking out for Nat. She’ll be highly amused, and possibly offended that you thought she’d shack up with me, but overall she’ll be touched that you cared enough to defend her.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be right for you to cheat on her!”

“I know.” Bucky raises his hands and laughs. “But I’m not with her, remember?”

Steve crosses his arms, bottom lip sticking out as he scowls. “I know that now.”

Bucky laughs again, wandering over to his mirror and checking himself out. He’s a mess, hair all over the place and a hickey blooming on his neck. He’s also pretty sure there’s dried come on his chest, but if Steve hasn’t noticed that then Bucky’s not going to be the one to point it out. He grabs a hoodie to cover it up.

“And no one would be offended to be thought of to be with you,” Steve adds softly.

Bucky stills, hoodie half over his head and lets Steve’s words wash over him. “Nat would,” he says, needing Steve to make a joke.

“No way, Buck, you’re a catch!”

Bucky’s glad that he’s not facing Steve in that moment because there’s no way everything he’s thinking wouldn’t show on his face. There’s no way Steve wouldn’t be able to see the fact that Bucky likes him more than he’s supposed to. As more than a friend.

Then again, this is Steve. Bucky could probably do a song and dance about how much he likes Steve, and Steve would be like,  _ Wow, gee whiz Buck, you’re such a good pal! _

“Pancakes?” Bucky asks to change the subject and distract himself from Steve’s horribly genuine and earnest tone. Because Bucky’s sure Steve means every word of it. He really does think that Bucky’s a catch. Just not the catch for him.

“What?”

“I want pancakes, do you want to join?” Bucky says slowly, grinning when Steve smiles at him. Tension dismantled.

“Guess I do owe you after this morning.”

“Your company will more than enough make up for it.”  _ Way to go Barnes _ , Bucky sighs internally,  _ that really sounds like you aren’t into him _ . “Besides, I now know I want to keep you on my good side.

“You just don’t want me to yell at you again.”

“I have never been so scared in my life,” Bucky says with a serious face. “Or so confused.”

Steve groans. “Can I say sorry again?”

“Yep,” Bucky says, ruffling Steve’s hair as he passes him. Steve swats at him. “Give me five to get cleaned up and we’ll go to 50’s yeah?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Sex always makes me hungry,” Bucky says, laughing as Steve groans.

“TMI, Buck. TMI.”

* * *

 

_ That 50’s Place _ is a diner not too far off campus that is open 24/7 and does a killer brunch for a decent price. And a pretty solid dinner too.

The inside is decorated to match the 50’s, right down to the red leather booths, the garish black and white checkered floor and the neon milkshake sign. Bucky loves the place. He particularly likes the costumes all the waiters wear. There’s one guy in a leather jacket who always gives Bucky extra cream on his milkshake. And the blonde in the pink poodle skirt always flirts with him over the check.

She delivers their pancakes with a wink, and Steve groans. “You’re something else, you know.”

“I can’t help being irresistible!”

“Sure,” Steve drawls. “‘Cause you do nothing to encourage them all.”

Bucky winks at him. “I’m a charmer, no one can resist me.”  _ Except you _ .

“I can tell.” Steve sips his milkshake and shakes his head, bemused. “And I thought it was only the girls you were after, but you’re really out here flirting with everyone.”

Bucky chokes on his chocolate chip pancakes.

“You okay?” Steve asks as if what he’s said is no big deal.

Bucky holds a finger up, silencing Steve. “You thought I was  _ straight _ ?”

“Yeah?”

Bucky’s sure he doesn’t make a pretty sight as he gapes at Steve with a mouthful of half-chewed pancakes, but he can’t quite understand it. Sure, he’d known Steve hadn’t caught on that Bucky was flirting with  _ him  _ but he’d presumed at least Steve had caught on that Bucky was queer too.

“I mean… You’re…” Steve gestures to the whole of Bucky.

Bucky swallows his food and raises his eyebrows. “You resorting to stereotypes here, Stevie?”

“No. No! NO!” Steve gushes. “Trust me, I know how annoying that is, and that was really stupid of me to say, it’s just—”

“It’s okay,” Bucky laughs. “I get that a lot.”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t.” Steve’s jaw is squared in such a righteous manner that Bucky’s heart is warmed. “Shouldn’t have people doubting who you are just ‘cause of how you look.”

Bucky nods. “Suppose you know something about that, huh?”

“The amount of people who think I’m just refusing to come the full way out of the closet is painful. I am out of the closet as much as I’m going to get! But they just refuse to understand that I like girls as well.” Steve slumps back in his seat, brushing his hair off his forehead.

“And yet here you are with a girl like Peggy Carter, so who gives a fuck what they think,” Bucky says, ignoring the clench in his stomach because of the way Steve’s face lights up. “We know who we are, and that’s all that matters.”

Steve grins, dimple out in full force and blue eyes so bright that Bucky wants to drown in them. He taps one of the queer pride badges on his jacket. “Exactly.”

They get back to eating for a bit before Steve asks, “So when did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That you liked guys too.”

Bucky chews on his pancakes and thinks. “Not sure exactly. I think it was about when I was sixteen. Summer of sophomore year. I got a crush on the life guard that worked at the local pool. Thor Odin? Did you ever see him?”

Steve shakes his head. “I didn’t go to the pool. Boys from my school tried to drown me once so my mom never let me return.”

Bucky stops his story to gape at Steve. “Shit! Are you kidding?”

“Nah.” Steve gives a jerky shove. “Was nothing though. Tell me about Thor.” He waggles his eyebrows and Bucky laughs, letting Steve’s confession slide.

“Yeah, he was like a year older than us, went to some boarding school out of the city. Anyway, he was this  _ huge  _ football player, like wow.” Bucky grins, remembering spending all summer trying to pretend he wasn’t checking out Thor’s arm muscles. Or his far too tight swim shorts. “I spent all my summer at the pool, messing about to gain his attention and then well…” Bucky leers.

“You got his attention?”

“He invited me to his buddy’s party, gave me a handjob that had me coming in my pants, and I’ve never looked back.” It was a bit more complicated than that, seeing as it took Bucky all of junior year to come to terms with his sexuality and then come out, but that’s a story for another time.

Steve laughs. “You’re disgusting.” Bucky smiles, the picture of faux innocence. “So big beefy guys your type?”

Bucky thinks of Thor, of M’Baku, and then of Steve. Steve with his slim frame, sharp bones, and oversized hands and feet. The nerdy glasses and the neat hair. “I like who I like,” Bucky says. “Don’t think I have a type.”

Steve’s smile is soft and wraps around Bucky like a hug.

“What about you?” Bucky asks. “When did you realize?”

“That I was bi? I don’t think I ever thought I was anything but.”

Bucky laughs, because it's so perfectly Steve to be sure of himself. He’s envious of Steve’s inner strength. The way he doesn’t doubt who he is, doesn’t compromise for anyone.

“I tried to marry this guy from my block, Arnie, back when I was like six. My ma baked us a wedding cake and everything.”

“Sarah Rogers sounds amazing, and I want to meet her more than anything.”

“She’d like you.”

“Everyone does,” Bucky says to hide the fact that it means a lot. Steve’s mom means the world to him and to hear that Steve thinks she’d like Bucky… well, it’s nice.

“So you were out in high school?”

“I was the founder of our GSA Club and had my head flushed down the toilet for it.” Between this and the pool drowning, Bucky’s starting to get a less than favorable picture of Steve’s time at school.

“People are assholes.”

“Yep.” Steve pulls a face. “Especially football players.”

“I was a football player!” Bucky protests, but half-heartedly because Steve’s right. A lot of football players are assholes. Bucky had had a bit of hostility from a couple of people on his team when he came out as bisexual in senior year. That was until Dugan socked one of them in the jaw for calling Bucky a fag. Things went pretty smoothly from there.

Steve’s eyebrows shoot up and he winces. “Yikes, and here I was thinking this was a pretty good thing we had going on.”

“Come on, you knew I played high school football.”

“I very much did not,” Steve says primly before smirking as his eyes drag over Bucky in a way that makes Bucky want to squirm. There’s no hunger in Steve’s eyes, nothing flirtatious, but for a traitorous second Bucky lets himself imagine there could be. “Though I feel I should have known it.”

“What? Why?”

“Come on! Look at you! You scream high school football! And prom king, you were prom king, weren’t you?”

Bucky scowls. “Maybe.”

“I knew it!”

“I was a Mathlete too!”

“Not something to brag about,” Steve teases, rolling his eyes. “And of course you managed to be a Mathlete, openly queer, and still make prom king.”

Bucky flicks a piece of his napkin at Steve. “I can’t help that I look so good in a tux.”

“Was your date prom queen?”

“I refuse to be shamed for this.”

“She was head cheerleader, wasn’t she?” Amber had been head cheerleader with a brilliant set of legs. Steve takes Bucky’s sulky silence as confirmation. “I knew it.”

“What about you?” Bucky asks. “Who’d you go to prom with?”

Steve laughs, a hard false sound, and Bucky frowns, brows knitting together until Steve stops laughing, staring at Bucky in confusion. “Are you being genuine?”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t go to prom full stop, let alone with a date,” Steve says with a small shrug.

“But… why?”

“Everything you were at high school is the exact opposite of me. I didn’t have many friends, any really… There’s no one I speak to from school still… and there was certainly no one who’d want to take me to prom.”

“Why not?”

“Why did I have no friends or why would no one want to take me to prom?”

This conversation is a lot heavier than Bucky had expected to have hung over, eating pancakes with an aching ass. However, he can’t understand why no one would want to be friends with Steve. Or not think him attractive.

Steve is plenty attractive. Sure, maybe not in the commercial way, but that’s because he’s better than that. He’s got those eyes that are too big for his face, and filled with bright intelligence and so much compassion, then the dark lashes framing them. Almost demure if Steve Rogers could ever be thought of as such. And then those freckles over his cheeks and the pouty bottom lip that is pink and slick, and Bucky wants to press his thumb against it. Suck it between his teeth.

And so what if Steve is small, skinny with a crooked nose, glasses, and a whole hoax of health problems. No one is perfect, but Steve is certainly better looking than most people give him credit for. Those people just aren’t looking hard enough.

“I was an outspoken queer kid who looked like this.” Steve gestures to himself. “I was never very good at keeping my mouth shut about things that struck me as wrong, which didn’t make me many friends, and being a friendless loser, on top of everything, deterred pretty much every guy and girl in the school.”

Bucky doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t feel like there’s anything he can say to show Steve just how amazing he is, how in awe Bucky is of him.

“I would have been your friend,” Bucky says softly. He wishes he could have been there, been at Steve’s school so he wouldn’t have been alone.

Steve shakes his head. “No, you wouldn’t have.”

“I would have!”

“Buck, did you hear any of what you just said about who you were at high school? You were the prom king jock, and I was the friendless loser. You probably wouldn’t have been my friend, but that’s fine. I’m happy to have you now.”

Bucky frowns. He’s not sure if Steve thinks so little of Bucky or of himself. The hint of a young boy behind Steve’s weary smile, tells Bucky it’s the latter. Steve’s tired expression speaks of a kid who spent most of his life being treated like shit for the fact that he was  _ good  _ and who was made to feel like he was wrong for it. Bucky wonders if part of that is why Steve doesn’t realize when people flirt with him, he just doesn’t believe they’re interested.

“Are you the same person?” Bucky asks.

“What?”

“Are you the same, loud-mouth, righteous queer guy that you were in high school?”

Steve stares at him, brows knotted. “Yeah, I guess?”

“Then if I’d known you, I would have been your friend. All those things are part of why I like being your friend, so they’re not traits that would ever put me off.”

“Thanks, Buck.” Steve blushes, the tips of his ears pink.

For a second, Bucky questions himself. He’d never been a small fish, had always found friends easily, had always been popular. And so he’d never thought of what it would be like to be on the other side of the equation. Sure, he’s Steve friend now, but what about the kids at his school like Steve? After all, it’s not like Bucky ever reached out to any of them… 

“All those people were idiots, Stevie,” he says. “And if I’d really known you in high school and chosen not to be your friend, then I’d have been an idiot too.”

Steve ducks his head, blush spreading. Smiling at his pancakes. “You’re an idiot now.”

“Who was it that wrongly burst into someone’s room yelling this morning? ‘Cause I don’t think it was me.”

“Shut up!” Steve laughs before going back to staring at his pancakes.

Bucky stirs his milkshake with the straw and worries his lip. There’s still a lingering vulnerability on Steve’s face after what he’s confessed and Bucky feels honored Steve’s trusted him enough to let down some of his barriers. Bucky wants to do the same.

“When I came out to my parents, my mom cried,” Bucky says. “Heard her saying to my dad that she wished it wasn’t true because she doesn’t want my life to be hard…” He swallows, meeting Steve’s wide eyes. “My dad talked her down, told her that yeah, my life might be harder but that wasn’t on me or on them. It was on the bigoted people out there and what they were going to do was support me.”

“Buck,” Steve says gently, like he understands. Bucky’s never really had queer friends before, but here’s Steve, someone who may not have had the exact same experiences with his sexuality but who understands in a way that other people can’t.

“Yeah, I’ve never told anyone that ‘cause I don’t want them to think bad of my mom, ‘cause I know it wasn’t her thinking bad of me. She just wanted me to be happy. And she’s been supportive ever since, my whole family is great about it all. But still, sometimes I remember that… that for just a moment she wished I was someone I wasn’t.” He shrugs, poking at his pancakes. “I know I shouldn’t complain but it could be worse, but… yeah… there’s just that stuff that you can’t shake sometimes, you know?”

“I know,” Steve says,  _ thank you for telling me  _ written across his face.

Bucky shrugs again, and they smile at each other. Simple. Easy. Wordless. And something slots into place between them for good as they finish up their pancakes. A friendship, a companionship, that Bucky knows will last. Whatever Bucky’s feelings might be, their relationship is greater than that, and Bucky’s not going to do anything to jeopardize it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl picturing Winston Duke throughout that whole first scene made it 10x more fun, but I did get a load of feels writing about Steve and Bucky's High School times -- _enough feels that I've started plotting a small AU of this AU where Steve transfers to Bucky's school in Junior year to answer their burning "would we be friends" questions..._ so yeah subscribe to the series (or me) for all this Sandbox adventures because i really love it
> 
> Anyway!! I hope you enjoyed the update and I promise the next chapter will be a lot quicker, like hopefully next week quicker seeing as I'm back on a roll!!
> 
> Kudos and comments are the best things since sliced bread and i love replying to all of them !!
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@gracie137blogs](http://gracie137blogs.tumblr.com) if you want to talk about the fic or anything !!!
> 
> If you enjoyed please do promote the fic on tumblr by reblogging this [post](http://gracie137blogs.tumblr.com/post/182768971110/title-dont-get-sad-get-steven-rating-e)


	3. Bruised Face, Bruised Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! I do have excuses for why this has taken so long I promise!! I've been working on a pre End Game // End Game fix-it fic that I've now started posting if anyone is interested -- soulmates and soul stone stuff. I've also been juggling a degree, questionable mental health, and writing other things (i've written like 50k of one in the last month so its been pretty manic) but yeah i'm really sorry for the delay between chapters!! This chapter is unbetaed so any mistakes are mine and i apologise
> 
> Thank you to everyone following this fic, your comments/kudos mean the world and keep me coming back <3

Getting over Steve isn’t easy. No matter what Bucky does, no matter who he fucks — and he’s fucking loads of people — all he has to do is look at Steve, and his heart beats faster than it should. He’s constantly trying to make Steve smile because when he’s able to make Steve laugh, Bucky gets a rush like he never has before.

He keeps it to himself, snapping at Natasha when she tells him he’s being an idiot torturing himself by hanging out with Steve so much. It's not a big deal. It's just a dumb crush and Bucky will not do something ridiculous like distance himself from Steve to get over his feelings. That wouldn’t be fair on Steve seeing as its _Bucky’s_ problem.

So he gets on with his life, doesn’t let himself mope. Or pine. And seriously no matter what Sam thinks he isn’t pining. He’s not.

Except Sam’s not mocking Bucky about mooning after Steve anymore and that’s almost worse, that Sam feels sorry for him now. There’s nothing to feel sorry for.

Steve is Bucky’s friend, and if Bucky wants to fall asleep beside Steve, holding him that’s no one's business but Bucky’s. And that’s the real kick in the crotch about it all, Bucky’s not interested in fucking Steve — well he is, but it's not his main priority — all he wants to do is make Steve happy. And ideally he’d be able to do that as Steve’s boyfriend, but he’s not so he’ll do it as one of Steve’s best friends.

And he’s getting better at forgetting. Liking Steve more than he should, is becoming second nature, just a part of their relationship dynamic he has to factor in.

He can never tell Steve though, he’s seen the way Steve struggles if you tell him someone other than Peggy was flirting with him. He goes all red and forgets how to talk and Bucky never wants to make Steve uncomfortable. So he’ll keep it to himself.

Besides the only thing worse than Sam feeling sorry for Bucky would be Steve. Steve feeling guilty — because he would be guilty for Bucky’s feelings — and altering the way he treats Bucky.

No, Bucky will not lose Steve. He will swallow his feelings whole and wait for his heart to catch up with his brain. To get the hint that Steve isn’t interested and move on. The right thing to do.

It’s not always easy, but he’s doing his best. He’s trying.

One day after a grueling shift in the library Sam and Bucky go see a movie to relax. Its awful but Bucky throughly enjoys because he’s a sucker for a trashy film. And this one was perfect trashy. Mindless content.

Sam, however, does not share Bucky’s fondness for Hollywood’s worst made media.

“That film was  _not_ good.” Sam groans.

“You just have no taste.”

“The quality of my taste is the reason I know that that film wasn’t good.”

“You don’t like Elf, your opinion is invalid.”

“Elf is overrated!”

“Your mom is overrated!”

“Tell me you didn’t just go there, Barnes!”

“Yep, whatcha gonna do about it?”

“I’m—” The sound of Bucky’s phone ringing cuts off whatever witty thing Sam would have replied with.  “Who puts their phone volume on? You psycho,” Sam mutters, shoving his hands in his pockets as they stroll back toward campus from the cinema. It’s dark out as they’d gone for an evening film so it's passed eleven now, but Bucky’s still restless. Sam’s got an early start tomorrow but Bucky’s not ready to settle down for the night. If it’s Natasha calling him, he might see what she’s doing. Hit the bar, hook up; Bucky’s up for anything.

Bucky pulls his phone out of his back pocket. “Is that what they teach you in pysch 101?” Admittedly he doesn’t know why his phone volume was on — he must have set it accidentally when he turned it back on after the film. He grins at the sight of Steve’s name. 

“Yeah,” Sam continues as if Bucky isn’t answering a call. “First sign of a serial killer: someone who keeps their phone volume on.”

“Hey Steve, can you quickly tell Sam, I’m not a serial killer?”

“Urm?” Bucky can imagine the awkward and confused expression on Steve’s face. It’s a cute one. Although all of Steve’s expressions are annoyingly cute. Bucky stops that thought right there, day-dreaming about Steve’s face is not proactive to the whole getting over Steve thing. Which he’s working on. Slowly. “You’re not a serial killer?”

“You could sound a bit more certain about it.”

“Told you you were a serial killer,” Sam says, leaning into Bucky’s space to shout, “Hi Steve!” down the phone. Bucky winces and shoves Sam away — that was  _loud_.

“Hey Sam.”

“I mean a case could be argued that Steve’s actually the real serial killer here because he called me instead of texting,” Bucky says.

“That’s really valid.”

“Are you two done?” Steve sighs.

A joke dies in Bucky’s mouth at Steve’s tone. He sounds exhausted. “You alright, Stevie?”

“Yeah, it’s just…” He can hear Steve fidgeting, trying to work up the courage to speak. “It’s nothing… just…”

“Steve?” What Bucky’s learned in the time he’s been friends with Steve is that Steve Rogers is the most impossibly stubborn fucker to ever grace the world’s existence. He’s more likely to die in a ditch than ask anyone for help. And so Bucky is worried to say the least.

“Where are you?”

“Just leaving town, we’re nearly back at campus.”

“Oh… Don’t worry then.”

Bucky nearly laughs.  _Don’t worry_. Bucky’s blood pressure is rising through the roof as Steve refuses to reveal what’s wrong. “Where are you?”

“… Outside Hydra.”

“What the fuck are you doing there?” Hydra’s a dive bar. Everyone knows that. Sure, Bucky’s been a couple of times but Bucky has much lower standards than Steve. Steve’s too good for a place like Hydra, mainly because Steve’s in a committed loving relationship with Peggy Carter and so isn’t going out only to get his dick wet. Unlike Bucky.

“Tony wanted to go.”

“Stark’s an idiot.”

“No, he’s just… He had a fight with his dad and wanted to blow off steam and I wasn’t going to leave him alone.”

“But now he’s left you alone?” Steve’s silence confirms it. Bucky bites his lip to keep himself quiet before pulling a face at Sam. Sam nods in sympathy. There’s no point trying to rant about Stark, Steve’s loyalty is his best and most infuriating quality. He’ll just defend Stark, especially if it's after another fight with his dad. Bucky doesn’t know the full story with Tony there but everything he has heard makes him more and more thankful for his own dad.

George Barnes never made Bucky ashamed about a single part of his life. He showed him the same support in the dance lessons Bucky had insisted on taking as a kid as he had later with Bucky’s school football. George had come to every match and every recital. He’d reacted to Bucky’s bisexuality the same way he reacted to everything, with unwavering love, loyalty and pride. Bucky’s a lucky guy with his family. He knows that.

There’s something else Steve’s not telling him in his silence, the heavy, labored breathing. It’s unhealthy sounding even for Steve. “Steve, where are you?”

“Outside Hydra…”

Bucky stops moving, turns to face the direction he’d need to go to find Hydra. “Where outside Hydra?”

“The back alley behind it…”

“And  _why_ are you in the back alley behind Hydra?”

“BecauseIgotinafight.”

Bucky takes off toward Hydra at a jog because Steve’s been in a fight and Steve needs him. Steve needs him.

“Bucky?” Sam calls, running after him.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Are you okay? Do I need to call 911?”

“911?” Sam squawks. “What the fuck? Is Steve okay?”

“No, Steve is not okay!”

“I’m okay! Please don’t worry, it’s just…”

“Just what?”

“Imightbeconcussed.”

Bucky runs faster, feet slapping the pavement in tune with his pulse. Steve’s name ringing in his head with every step, every breath because Bucky’s so far from over his crush on Steve that he’s falling for him more with every day. Every little thing Steve does even if it’s be infuriating and get into street fights. It’s the way Steve sticks his tongue out when he draws, just a little poking out the corner of his mouth. His laugh and the way a smile lingers on his face, chuckling even after the joke has ended. How quick witted and smart he is, how he works to keep himself educated. The way he’s so brilliantly  _good_ as a person and as pissed off that Bucky is that Steve’s hurt, he knows Steve would never just  _fight_ someone. There will have been a good cause.

“Did I ever tell you about the fact I took ballet lessons as a kid?” He asks to keep Steve’s attention until they reached him.

Steve lets out a weak chuckle and Bucky’s heart twists at the image of him, slumped against the back wall behind Hydra. Forgotten. “No, you didn’t.”

“Well I did.”

“I bet you’d look brilliant in a tutu, JB,” Sam says. Bucky shoots him a thankful grin, it means a lot to him that Sam’s come with him.

“I’ve the legs for it,” Bucky quips. “But yeah, ballet lessons. Becca took them and I was so jealous of her I demanded my parents let me go too. My dad wanted me to go to baseball, but I insisted on ballet.”

“Bet you were good. You’re good at everything.”

Steve is definitely neither sober nor well. Bucky ignores the twist in his heart at the compliment. “You flatter me, Stevie. But you’re right, I can still do a mean pirouette.”

“I can’t dance.” Yeah, he can hear the slur in Steve’s words. Not too much, but there’s a tinge, words drawling together.

“I’ll teach you.”

Bucky really needs to go to the gym more, he’s running quickly out of breath and is still going on adrenaline alone. Sam, however, Mr.  _Morning Runs Are Fun_ is doing fine. They’re nearly there at least.

“I’ll step on your toes.”

“I’ll get myself some special shoes.” 

Sam shoots him a look. Bucky has a feeling its one of those times where he says something slightly too softly. His feelings coloring his words. He can’t help it! He’s worried about Steve.

He continues rambling to Steve until they arrive at Hydra, there’s a crowd snaking out of the door and a mean-looking bouncer glares at Sam and Bucky as they pivot into the back alley. He doesn’t follow them though because Hydra doesn’t really care. You can do coke off the bar of Hydra and the bartenders won’t care. There are even rumors that the bouncers are the ones to ask for pills if you have the money. Bucky should really stop going.

At the sight of Steve on the floor he stops short, heart tripping over itself. “Steve?” He breathes, closing the gap between them and bending down.

“Heya Buck.” Steve tries to smile but winces, and a wave of rage overwhelms Bucky.

“Who did this?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t matter?! What the fuck, Steve? How can you just say it doesn’t matter, you’re sat here like—” Bucky can’t even find the words as he takes in Steve’s state, it's bad enough in the shadows, let alone the light. He reaches out, fingers ghosting but not touching Steve’s face, the red bruise on his cheek and swollen left eye. There’s a graze on his forehead, and thankfully he must have worn contacts out because otherwise his glasses would have cracked. His bottom lip is poutier than usual, a smear of blood on his chin. Bucky thinks if he had the people who did this in front of him, he’d tear them apart. He’d—

“Barnes.” Sam squeezes his shoulder and Bucky jerks back into the moment. “None of that matters now, we should get him to a hospital.”

“No!” Steve says, grabbing Bucky’s hand. “I’m okay! I’m fine! This is nothing new!”

Nothing new, Lord give Bucky the strength. Of course, this isn’t the first time Steve’s been beat up. Bucky hates every single person who has  _ever_ laid a wrong finger on Steve. “No, you’re not. You’re—”

“Fine!”

“Then why did you call me? Why didn’t you just get up and head back to your dorm if you’re so fine?”

Steve’s mouth twists but then he winces again, and Bucky’s anger evaporates. “I just feel a bit dizzy.”

“I’m not surprised.” Sam bends down beside Bucky to inspect Steve. “If you won’t go to hospital you’ve got to at least let us stay with you tonight, make sure you’re okay?”

“You don’t—”

“We’re staying.” Bucky’s not arguing on this one.

Steve has the audacity to glare at them before sighing. “Fine.”

“Come on, we’ll go back to ours,” Sam says, as he and Bucky help Steve to his feet. Bucky wraps an arm around Steve’s waist and Steve leans into him which tells him everything he needs to know about Steve’s well being. “You got him?” Sam asks.

“I’ve got myself,” Steve mumbles.

“I’ve got him.”

“How’d you even end up getting the crap punched out of you?” Sam asks as they slowly make their way home, Bucky being sure to glare daggers at the Hydra bouncer as they pass him. The bouncer just looks away uninterested.

“Saw this guy slip something into this girls drink and confronted him, and his friends didn’t take it well.”

“Jesus Christ, people are assholes.”

Bucky tightens his grip around Steve, the anger whirling around inside of him. Indignant rage bubbling that someone would hurt Steve for doing the right thing. Steve’s too good for his own wellbeing, not that Bucky wouldn’t do the same thing, but unlike Steve he’d probably stand more of a chance in a fight. How is Bucky not supposed to like Steve when he’s brave enough to stand up for what he believes in no matter the consequences?

When they’re back in their dorm building Sam runs off to find the building first aid kit and Bucky gets Steve settled, his clothes are slightly damp from sitting on the alley floor so Bucky digs out a pair of sweats and an old tee for Steve to wear.

“You don’t have to—”

“Shut up and put my clothes on,” Bucky says, and thankfully Steve doesn’t argue. Once Sam is back, they patch Steve up to the best of the ability, which involves googling and squabbling but eventually they get Steve looking slightly better.

Then Bucky’s forced to argue with Steve about how  _of course,_ Steve will sleep on his bed and not the floor because Steve is  _injured_ and Bucky’s worried about him. An argument Sam promptly ends by pointing out Steve shouldn’t be sleeping anyway in case he is concussed and if he sleeps, they will wake him up every hour to check on him.

“I’m fine!” Steve snaps again, and Bucky might have believed him if straight after his eyes hadn’t gone wide as he shoved his palm over his mouth, body heaving.

“Sure you are,” Bucky says, grabbing the puke bin and passing to Steve.

“Completely fine,” Sam says as Steve throws up.

“This is very normal behavior.” Bucky rubs Steve’s back gently, brushing his hair back off his forehead as Steve throws up again.

“Perfectly healthy.”

“I hate you both,” Steve whimpers, looking up with a trail of drool hanging from his mouth, vomit smudging his chin.

“I can live with that.” Bucky grabs the damp cloth and wipes the sick off Steve’s face. Steve stares up at him, eyes wide and blue, shining with unshed tears. Bucky knows Steve won’t cry, but the tears reveal the pain Steve’s really in.

“I’m.” Steve vomits again, less this time as if his body’s running out. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.” Bucky keeps stroking Steve’s back.

Sam passes him a bottle of water. “We’re both thrown up in that bin, nothing to worry about.”

“No, I—”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Bucky repeats. “We’re glad you called us.” He’ll need to give Steve a different shirt to sleep in.

Sighing, Steve’s shoulders hunch and his skinny arms tighten around the bin, clutching it to him. “I didn’t want to worry Peggy.”

Bucky’s grateful when Sam replies, “She’s going to find out,” because Bucky hadn’t known what to say. The selfish part of him, burning with glee at the fact Steve had turned to him in his time of need, not Peggy, had overwhelmed him. What’s wrong with him? As if that’s the thing to focus on here.

“I know,” Steve sighs. “Just panicked I guess.”

“I’m glad you called me,” Bucky says, and there it is again. That too soft and genuine tone. Steve smiles at him, crooked with his swollen lip and Bucky doesn’t deserve it. Not when he’d just been there celebrating that Steve had picked him over Peggy which wasn’t even true. All Steve had done was try to protect Peggy from the truth.

Once they’ve got Steve cleaned up _again,_ Bucky gets Steve into his bed with minimal argument; the vomiting had clearly wiped out Steve’s remaining energy. Quickly he then shoots Stark a text to say he's got Steve and not to worry, before climbing in beside Steve.

“I feel bad,” Steve mumbles, staring at Bucky. He smells like Bucky’s shower gel and toothpaste and Bucky hates the possessive streak that thrives at it. Steve smells like him and is in his clothes, in his bed. It's all a dream come true. Expect it came about because of a nightmare — Steve hurt.

“Just keep your hands to yourself and we’ll be fine,” Bucky teases. Sam snorts from over in his bed. They’ve set an alarm for once an hour to make sure Steve’s okay, and they’ve googled the things to check for each time.

“Shut up.” Steve kicks him, cold feet on Bucky’s shin. They’re face to face, almost nose to nose, bodies a whisper apart in Bucky’s small single bed. It's everything Bucky’s dreamed of, but there’s a chasm in between; a chasm of context and reality.

“You shut up.”

“How about you both shut up?”

Steve and Bucky grin at each other. “Night,” Bucky mouths.

“Night,” Steve mouths back, eyes fluttering shut. In the low light, Bucky lets himself stare at Steve in a way he hasn’t been able to before: the press of his lashes against his freckled cheeks that bump in his nose — that now makes more sense — and the sharp line of his jaw. Every little detail that makes up the marvel that is Steve Rogers.

It's a long night, especially as Steve and Bucky wake up in awkward positions more than once but Steve says nothing so Bucky doesn’t either. He tells himself it's natural he’d wake up spooning Steve, they’re in such proximity.

When he wakes up the final time, it's with his face smashed into Steve’s hair. He gives himself exactly five seconds to lie there and appreciate it, to commit it to memory before sliding out of bed to take a shower. His dick is getting hard and there’s  _no_ way he’s letting Steve know that truth. The shower is empty, so he jerks off, washes his hair, and is walking back toward his room with only a towel around his waist he literally bumps into a manic looking Peggy Carter.

“Is he okay?” Peggy demands, eyes wild and hair a mess.

Bucky squawks in surprise; hand tightening around his towel. Peggy ignores him.

“Is he okay?” She repeats.

“Steve?”

“Yes! Obviously Steve!”

Before he can stop himself Bucky scowls at Peggy tone. “Yes, he’s fine. I took care of him.”

They stand there staring at each other before Peggy sighs, running a hand through her hair. “Sorry, that was out of order of me. I’m just worried. I woke up to a text from Steve at 5am about how he’d got into a fight and might be concussed but was with you and… I didn’t know where your room was and he won’t answer my texts.”

“I think his phone’s dead,” Bucky says uselessly.

“But is he okay?”

“I think so yeah. Me and Sam got him cleaned up and checked on him all night to ensure he wasn’t concussed.”

“Oh, thank god. I… Thank you, for looking after him.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Bucky mumbles. He’s exposed stood there in just a towel as he talks to Steve’s girlfriend about taking care of Steve, he feels like Peggy will know exactly what Bucky‘s thinking. Like the fact he’d do anything for Steve is painted on his face.

They stare at each other as if there’s a thousand things they both want to say but can’t. Know they shouldn’t. For if they open that box who knows what will come spilling out.

“Want me to show you to him?” Bucky offers to shatter the silence. Peggy nods.

Steve’s still dozing in Bucky’s bed when he gets back, and Bucky hovers at the door staring as Peggy hurries over to him, bowing down beside him and shaking him awake softly.

He can’t hear what they’re saying as they speak, but he’s intruding on a moment. Their moment. Because they’re a couple and they love each other, and Bucky’s an interloper. Luckily, he’s not the only one awkwardly also in the room.

Bucky drops down onto Sam‘s bed, and pokes him awake.

“Why are you naked and wet?” Sam grumbles, batting Bucky away. Bucky points over to Peggy and Steve, and Sam sighs. “Okay, time to get up.”

It's not too long before Peggy has Steve ready to come back to her dorm so Bucky and Sam can rest. It's a nice gesture but it’s useless and hollow to Bucky because he doesn’t care for rest, not when he wants to be the one looking after Steve. However, he knows it's not his place to make such demands. He has to let Steve go with Peggy.

There’s another sick thrill that Steve won’t be changing out of Bucky’s clothes though, but he silences it. It’s irrelevant. Bucky’s hoodie is no competition against Steve’s real relationship with Peggy. All Bucky has are selfish pipe dreams.

“Thank you,” Steve says, when Bucky hugs him good bye. “I owe you.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Bucky says, and he knows he spends too long watching them walk away to close the door.

“Bucky,” Sam starts but Bucky doesn’t want to hear it.

“I’m going to sleep.”

“Look—”

“Drop it,” Bucky begs and thankfully Sam does. So Bucky climbs into his bed, with his sheets that smell like Steve and tries to go to sleep. Tries to forget what it had been like to hold Steve in his arms even for just a few moments. God, he wishes he could forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really will promise to try update soon but I am juggling a lot at the moment, however, i love it all so can't stick to one project!! oooops!! I do however, have the next couple of chapters of this fic planned so I am hoping to be able to work on them soon!!
> 
> Kudos and comments are the best things since sliced bread and i love replying to all of them !!
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@gracie137blogs](http://gracie137blogs.tumblr.com) if you want to talk about the fic or anything !!!
> 
> If you enjoyed please do promote the fic on tumblr by reblogging this [post](http://gracie137blogs.tumblr.com/post/182768971110/title-dont-get-sad-get-steven-rating-e)


	4. Are You Being Honest?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People have questions. Bucky doesn't like them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! i know i'm so late but these last couple of months have been so hectic for me, i should't have even written this chapter but I couldn't help myself!! I guess I was just missing this version of Bucky!! I'm exactly one month away from handing in all my final university deadlines and then i'll be free!! and i have so many writing projects planned for the summer so im surer excited!! while scared as shit about endgame....
> 
> anyway, im rambling, horribly sorry for the delay but i hope you enjoy this chapter!! This chapter is unbetaed so any mistakes are mine and i apologise, but this is a really fun side project for me!! Bucky's pining continues!!
> 
> Thank you to everyone following this fic, your comments/kudos mean the world and keep me coming back

The beat from the music shakes through Bucky’s body, vibrating up his legs. He’s sweating, the euphoric buzz of alcohol flowing through him and his head’s clear of thoughts of Steve. Or not so clear…

It’s good though to get out without Steve, give himself a moment’s relief. Everything is always more poignant with alcohol. It becomes harder to numb the way Steve’s smile twists him up inside. His eyes linger on Steve for too long, he finds it harder to not seek even the casual touches. And he doesn’t want to be that guy. He’s not that guy. He’s not forcing himself on Steve. Steve’s happy with Peggy and Bucky knows this. He’s starving for Steve and when Steve’s there with him, Bucky wants to lose himself in him.

Right, that’s too far. He’s let himself stand there and mope over a guy who isn’t interested in him long enough. He needs another drink. Or another shag. Sam keeps talking about setting Bucky up on a date but he doesn’t want that. Does he? No. He’s not interested in relationships, he doesn’t do relationships. He’s got his own life too sorted for someone else to step into it.

And no, Sam, it's not because if Bucky dates someone then he can’t spend every minute of his free time with Steve. Fuck you.

Okay, he’s definitely in need of another drink now. If he’s spending this party having fake arguments with Sam then he’s doing something wrong.

Where is Sam? What a fake friend leaving Bucky in his time of peril. Oh wait, there’s T’Challa. Fuck Sam anyway.

The next hour passes in a blur of dancing, and vague hellos to people he half knows.

_“I’ve seen your face before, hi!”_

_“We’ve definitely got at least one mutual friend, hi!”_

_“I’m not sure we’ve ever met but hi!”_

At one point there’s a flash of two guys who resemble Stark and Barton but then they’re gone. The sight of them lights something in Bucky’s chest that maybe Steve has come to the Frat party — it's the same place they met after all so it wouldn’t be ridiculous — but inside he knows Steve won’t be here. Steve has a deadline, which sucks. Bucky would’ve really liked Steve to be here. Everything’s better with Steve.

Except smoking because Steve can’t be around cigarettes because of his lungs. Which is a good thing long term, because smoking is a nasty habit that Bucky’s been trying to quit. And hanging out with Steve’s good for that.

He’s finishing up a cigarette, sprawled out on the lawn when a clear British accent drags him from his thoughts.

“Bucky Barnes.”

Bucky tilts his head up, a dopy smile on his face. “Peggy Carter.” She’s outlined by the lights of the house behind them, highlighting the curves of her body, the dip in her red tee that shows off her ample cleavage.

“Are you alone?”

“I wasn’t.” Natasha, Okoye and T’Challa had been with him but they’ve gone now. Bucky’s enjoying himself, the music’s fainter out here and he doesn’t have to do anything. He can just be, hand not clutching the cigarette knotted in the grass. It’s not too cold either, between the alcohol and the warming spring air, Bucky’s content in his jacket and jeans. He can even see the stars. You don’t get stars back home. New York’s too bright.

“But you are now?”

“Nah,” Bucky drawls. “You’re here now.”

She laughs, warm like the air. “I am.” He pats the ground next to him and she lowers herself down, there’s a red cup in his hand and a loose smile to her face. Peggy Carter drunk. How strange. 

“What’s strange?”

Oh shit, he said that out loud. Trying to cover it, he grins, shrugging. “You always seem to have your life together too much, seeing you drinking seems wrong.”

She arches an eyebrow. “I can have fun too.”

Bucky cringes, insulting Steve’s girlfriend is not his plan. “I know! I didn’t mean it like that.”

Peggy laughs again. “I’m teasing you, Bucky. Relax.”

“Oh… Yeah… Obviously.” She smiles, and he smiles back before taking a drag of his cigarette to give himself something to do other than feel awkward. For all they have in common regarding Steve, Bucky hasn’t spoken to Peggy that much. She’s great, she has to be if someone like Steve loves her, but they’ve never really hung out. Which is probably Bucky’s fault. He’s human, and seeing the guy he likes with someone else hurts. Really fucking hurts. Sue him.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I’m quitting.”

“Oh.” Peggy smirks. She has a nice mouth. She’s a lot of nice features because she’s gorgeous. Bucky’d probably be jealous of Steve if he wasn’t so jealous of Peggy. “I know that one.”

“You smoked?” Bucky can’t hide his surprise.

“English boarding school, everyone smoked.” Bucky offers her his cigarette, but she declines. “I have now quit.”

“‘Cause of Steve?”

“No, because it’s bad for you.”

Bucky pulls a face, staring at the glowing butt of his cigarette. He should really quit. And he will. Once he’s finished this cigarette. It’s not like it's a long habit he’s had, he picked it up somewhere in the summer of junior year at a party and that’s how it's stayed. If he’s drunk and someone offers him a cigarette, well… he’ll take it.

“Are you quitting because of Steve?” Peggy asks after a moment.

“Nah.” Well, he’s not totally quitting for Steve anyway. “Just unhealthy, innit?”

“Especially for Steve.”

Bucky inhales deeply, and blows the smoke out through his nose to kill time. “Yeah, ‘cause he’s got shitty lungs.”

“Yeah, he does.”

Bringing up Steve was a mistake, his name weighing down the air around them. The silence is more constricting on Bucky’s lungs than any cigarette smoke can ever be as he waits for Peggy to shatter it. And when she does, she doesn’t shatter the silence; she obliterates it. Pieces fly off, embedding in Bucky’s skin.

“You fancy him, don’t you?”

He chokes on the smoke, something he hasn’t done in a good couple of years. Ash and Peggy’s words burning the back of his throat.

“What?”

“Is that the right word? I still get a bit confused about American slang.”

“What?” Is all Bucky can say. It’s not the meaning of her question he’s struggling with, just the fact she’s asking it at all.

Peggy’s mouth twists, a divot forming between her brows. “Do you like Steve?” Jesus Christ, Peggy Carter doesn’t mess around.

Play dumb. Play dumb. Play dumb. “Yeah, I mean obviously, he’s my friend.”

As Peggy sighs, the divot deepens. “I mean, do you  _like_ like him, to sound like a giggling twelve-year-old again?”

“ _Like_ like him?”

“Yes.”

She doesn’t look away and Bucky can’t seem to look elsewhere either even though he’s desperate too. Speak. He needs to speak. His silence is damning. “No, I mean no obviously not. He’s your— He loves you.”

Her expression softens. “That doesn’t mean you don’t like him.”

Bucky swallows or tries to because there’s a lump weighted with Peggy’s accusation stopping him. “Well, I don’t.”

“I don’t mind. Well…” She trails off as if she knows that’s a lie. A false truth to claim she’d be utterly unbothered by the fact Bucky — Steve’s best friend — is into her boyfriend. “I was just curious.”

“Well, here’s your answer. Steve’s my friend.”

“Bucky.” He crushes his cigarette on the ground, light distinguishing. “I didn’t mean to pry, I just…”

“You don’t need to worry.”

“I wasn’t worried.” And that’s a kick in a chest. Peggy doesn’t even consider him competition. Not that he’d want her to… or would he? Does a dark part of him long for Peggy to worry, to wonder what Steve would do if he learned of Bucky’s feelings? The truth is Steve wouldn’t do anything. There’d be no competition.

“Good.” His voice comes out even, but his heart is racing. Tripping and stumbling over itself. “‘Cause you’ve got nothing to worry about. Steve’s my friend.” She says nothing, not even when Bucky pushes himself to his feet and storms back into the house. Her silence is almost worse.

He’s shaking, grabs a drink and downs it, pushing back into the crowd.

How can Peggy ask him something like that? Has she told Steve her suspicions? No, she can’t have. Bucky’d know if she had, Steve’s too awkward to hide it. He’d blush and stutter every time Bucky entered the room if he thought it was true. Anyway, even if she told Steve, Steve wouldn’t believe it. Back when Bucky had put the moves on Steve genuinely, Steve hadn’t noticed. But Steve trusts Peggy more than anything. Constantly raves about how smart she is, so it’s possible he would believe her.

Bucky accepts a jello shot, crushing the plastic glass and sucking the jello out.

While he hadn’t planned on hooking up with anyone at this party, when he spots M’Baku he can’t help himself. He needs to not think. M’Baku had fucked the brains out of him last time. Hopefully he’ll be willing to do it again.

He is.

They end up making out on the couch, Bucky straddling M’Baku’s lap before M’Baku bites Bucky’s earlobe, whispering about how his room’s upstairs. Bucky takes M’Baku’s hand, following him through the crowd. Out of the corner of his eye he spots Peggy watching him go, so he shoots her a crooked grin and a two-fingered salute.  _I’m completely fine_ , he hopes it says.  _Would someone pining after Steve be able to do this?_

“Is this to get that chick back?” M’Baku asks, when he’s stretched out on his bed, gazing at Bucky who is straddling him with two fingers in his ass, working himself open.

“What?”

“The one you waved at. Are you fucking me to piss her off?”

“No.” Bucky crooks his fingers and moans. M’Baku’s hand squeezes his hip, steading him.

“I don’t care if you are. I’m just curious.” M’Baku really has the worst ideas of Bucky between this and the last time they hooked up, back when Steve accused Bucky of cheating on Natasha.

“I barely know her.”

“But you do  _know her_.”

“Thought you didn’t care,” Bucky says through gritted teeth.

M’Baku shrugs. “I don’t, I’m just curious.”

“She’s my friend’s girlfriend,” Bucky explains, hoping it’ll end the conversation.

“What have you fucked her?” Clearly not. Bucky gapes at M’Baku, forgetting what he’s supposed to be doing until M’Baku laughs, sliding his hand to grope Bucky’s ass. “I’m kidding.”

“I haven’t fucked her.” He pulls his fingers out and reaches for the condom on M’Baku’s side table. There’d been a box and a bottle of lube on the table waiting when they’d come in. Bucky’d laughed, he likes a man who’s prepared.

“You fucked him?”

“She thinks I want to.” 

Why are they having this conversation? Bucky’s doing something wrong if M’Baku’s more interested in Bucky love life than the fact he’s about to ride him.

“Do you?”

Bucky rolls the condom on and lowers himself down slowly “Does it matter?” He pants, hands splayed on M’Baku’s chest. 

“No,” M’Baku moans, finally distracted.

“Good.” He catches M’Baku’s mouth in a demanding kiss. He’s done with this conversation.

* * *

All Bucky’s hopes and dreams that he’ll get away with everything come crashing down the next day. He’s draped over a couch in Steve’s art studio, making his way through a packet of doughnuts and detailing the events of the night to Steve. With a particular focus on the fact he hooked up with M’Baku.

“He asked if I wanna do it again,” Bucky says, wiping jam from the corner of his mouth. Steve’s sat on the floor beside him, licking sugar from his fingers and the display is half the reason Bucky’s spent the last ten minutes giving Steve intimate details of his hook up with M’Baku. He’s desperate to focus on anything other than Steve’s pink tongue and how it’d look doing other things.

“Are you gonna?” There’s paint splatters on Steve’s shirt and in his hair somehow. He paints like a toddler, in the messy sense that is. Artistic skill wise, well, Steve’s one of the best artists at Marvel if you ask Bucky. And he’s not just saying that.

“Dunno.” Bucky shrugs.

“What about Natasha?”

“She’s kinda seeing some guy at the moment anyway.”

“Oh.” Steve sighs. “Guess I should tell Clint to laugh off then.”

“Nah, the guy’s a dick.” Bucky really doesn’t like Natasha’s current partner, Jack’s a prick who is only with her for her looks. As if the best part of Natasha isn’t her personality. Fantastic ass and tits sure, but her wit. Well, that’s the real winner.

“I don’t want Clint to bother her.” Steve’s friend Clint Barton, like many men before him, had taken one look at Natasha and fallen in love. However, unlike most of the assholes, Clint seems to genuinely want to be Natasha’s friend. He’s a bit of an idiot, but Bucky can tell Natasha has a soft spot for him. Now Clint’s just got to get Natasha to let him in.

Bucky grabs another doughnut from the packet. “She’d tell him to fuck off if she wanted him to.”

Steve laughs, shaking his head. Natasha’s an enigma if you don’t know her, sometimes she’s an enigma even if you do know her. It’s half the fun of being her friend.

“Do you like M’Baku?” Steve asks, chewing on his lip like he’s building up to saying something.

Bucky takes a large bite of his doughnut. “I like his dick.”

“Yeah, but what about his personality?”

The couch is a tacky red velvet, and half coated in paint, but it’s perfect for lounging on as if you’re about to be drawn erotically. Not that Bucky thinks about Steve drawing him erotically… Okay, whatever, it’s one of his favourite fantasies. But right now, he’s not thinking about that. Not totally, because his face is smushed into the cushion to avoid Steve’s question and it smells… sort of  _funky_.

“Do people fuck on this couch?” He asks, turning his face to Steve. He’s close enough to see the press of Steve’s lashes against his glasses.

“Do you like M’Baku?”

“Would I like to fuck M’Baku on this couch?” 

Steve pinches him, laughing. “Stop avoiding the question!”

Bucky swats Steve’s hand away. Nippy little bastard. “I dunno. I don’t really know him.”

“You could get to know him.”

“Why do you care so much?”

Steve blinks, like he doesn’t understand the question. “Because I care about you.”

Bucky holds Steve’s gaze before it becomes too much and he has to look away, focus on something else. Anything but the fact Steve cares about him, cares about him so much that he wants to see him happy in a relationship. With someone that isn’t him.

Way for the world to kick him when he’s down.

“You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I know.” Steve pokes Bucky’s cheek and Bucky turns back to face him, eyes tracing every freckles and mark on Steve’s face. “But I just want you to be happy.”

Bucky catches Steve’s finger. “Trust that I am happy then, okay?”

Because Bucky is happy, he’s happy with his friends, with his classes, with how his life is turning out. He’s happy with Steve, because he’d take anything with Steve over not knowing him.

“And you’d tell me if you weren’t?”

“Why are you worrying about this so much?”

Steve bites on his bottom lip. “It’s just…” Oh dear god. “Peggy said.” No. No. No. “That she saw you last night, and you seemed a bit out of it.”

Bucky’s panic screams to a holt. “That’s it?” Steve nods. “She didn’t say…  _anything_ else?”

“Should she have?” Steve’s frown deepens.

“No! No, no, I’m fine. It’s nice that Peggy’s looking out for me though,” he lies through his teeth. He’s grateful Peggy didn’t share her suspicions or Bucky’s stupid as shit response. He’d have rather she said nothing at all, but all in all he knows it could have gone a hell of a lot worse. Still sucks.

Steve smiles and Bucky’s irritation slides away. “I’m glad you two are getting along.”

“Well, you’ve got yourself a pretty special girl there.”

Watching Steve’s smile soften in that way it always does when he’s thinking about Peggy is a knife to the heart. Bucky grins through the bleeding as he says:

“Oh, is that why you’re trying to push me onto M’Baku? Worried about Peggy and I’s sexual chemistry?” He waggles his eyebrows, but all he gets is an eye roll from Steve. It’s probably justified, that was a dickhead comment. “I’m kidding. You could get down on one knee right now and Peggy would probably say yes.”

“Shut up.” Steve rolls his eyes again but at least he’s smiling now. Which is good because Bucky wants nothing more than to shut up. Thinking about Steve and Peggy married doesn’t make him feel better. “Stop distracting me, I was asking about M’Baku!”

“He’s… he’s nice, okay? I’ll text him, are you happy now?”

“Only if you’re texting him because you want to.”

“I do. I want to text M’Baku.”

Steve narrows his eyes. “And you’re not just doing it for me?”

“Jesus, I can make decisions for myself.”

“Yeah, but you only said you’d do it because I pressured you.”

Bucky groans, rolling onto his back and pulling a face. “You’re impossible.”

“You’re impossible!”

“I’m also texting M’Baku.”

“Don’t do anything you don’t want to.”

“I’m texting M’Baku because I want to.”

Steve smile turns smug and Bucky’s suddenly not sure if they were genuinely bickering or he’s been manipulated by an absolute master. He’s constantly being challenged by his expectations of Steve. “Good. Ask him on a date.”

Knees creaking, Steve climbs to his feet. Little jerk.

“I’m asking him if he wants to  _come_ over.”

“Saying come like that doesn’t make you’re funny.”

“I find myself very funny.” When Steve glances over his shoulder wearily, Bucky sticks his tongue out and crosses his eyes, grinning as Steve giggles.

Texting M’Baku isn’t the worst decision Bucky’s ever made in the end. They start up a steady friends with benefits relationship, more consistent than he’d ever had with Natasha, but they still don’t owe each other shit. If M’Baku cancels last minute with plans to go out, Bucky doesn’t curl up weeping, he gets on with his life. The same goes for M’Baku when Bucky cancels on him.

They end up opening up to each other, and M’Baku asks after Steve a lot, how that’s going. As if Bucky’d be there sucking M’Baku’s dick if it seemed he had a chance with Steve. He’d blow off the world for Steve. It scares him sometimes, but it’s also becoming another fact of life. He’s used to it.

The sun rises and sets. Bucky’s head over heels for Steve.

Time moves on.

When their first year at Marvel draws to a close, he and M’Baku don’t make any plans to see each other over the summer —  it's best that way. So Bucky goes home to Brooklyn with Steve, and that’s that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I totally fell a bit in love with M'Baku, but can you blame me? Next chapter is home for the holidays and some changes happen to some relationships!! Dun dun duunnn
> 
> Kudos and comments are the best things since sliced bread and i love replying to all of them !!
> 
> I'm on tumblr [@gracie137blogs](http://gracie137blogs.tumblr.com) if you want to talk about the fic or anything !!!
> 
> If you enjoyed please do promote the fic on tumblr by reblogging this [post](http://gracie137blogs.tumblr.com/post/182768971110/title-dont-get-sad-get-steven-rating-e)


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